IT’S ALL GOOD!

Whatever is going on in our lives is exactly what’s suppose to be going on in our lives, exactly as it is going on. If it is something we don’t like, we may complain and feel victimized or get angry and lash out. That rarely does anyone any good. There is no alternate reality from which the current one has deviated. This is it, baby, like it or not. This may sound harsh, insensitive and even fatalistic, but the truth is, if you wish to accept the challenge and gift the present has to offer, it’s incredibly empowering. Far from being “mission impossible” as some of our challenges may seem, what we are given is just what is in the way of our next leap in personal growth or personal evolution. Were these challenges not arising at this time, we would not have the opportunity to overcome and step up to our new level of being.

A friend of mine was expressing her resentment at her sister for “dumping” a responsibility on her that she felt belonged to her sister. She was angry because her sister was lollygagging around the world unconcerned and in avoidance of a situation she had indirectly created. As I listened to her tell her story, it was so very obvious to me that the situation was just as it should be. I could see that my friend would do a much better job of the task at hand. After hearing a little history, it was clear that the sister, although doing the best she could do at the time, had made a pretty big mess out of things as they were. My friend, in a moment of clarity, had actually volunteered to step in and help out in the situation. It was working out well, although she was resenting it. I told her that the only thing that was out of order was her feelings of resentment. “The situation is working fine, you volunteered and are enjoying handling it, and all is well right now. Your resentment will be felt subconsciously if not consciously and that will have a negative affect. Let go of thinking it should be other than it is, be grateful for the opportunity to help, and recognize when you’ve done all you can do then release yourself.” I said. She took my words to heart and realized she was causing her own suffering and decided to let it go. She called later and told me a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders. The weight wasn’t the responsibility; it was her resentment of it.

When I notice an uncomfortable pattern showing up in my life, I know it is time to work on “that one”. Something that is “up” for me right now is my “issue” of not feeling listened to or seen. My parents were both on the slightly unhealthy side of the narcissism continuum and were quite a bit more interested in what they had to say or with what they were feeling or doing than with anything that may have been going on in my life or mind. As a matter of fact, they knew very little about what was really going on in my life. (I must say, I liked that just a little bit. But, it didn’t do much for my feeling “seen and heard”). I have to give them credit here for not pushing their agenda on me as some parents do. I was just fine as far as they were concerned. They wanted me to be happy and gave me much freedom in choosing my path. It’s just that they weren’t all that interested in my path because they were so caught up in their own. I remember times when I would be talking with my dad and he would break into the middle of my sentence and begin his as if I hadn’t even been speaking. Or my mom, when I told her I was hired as dance instructor after having danced my whole life and assisted teaching tai chi on TV said, “Oh, will they accept just anyone?” Whew! Where had she been? Certainly not paying attention to my life.

A few days ago I asked one of my tai chi classes of nearly 20 people to read my most recent blog. I told them it was an interesting story of a former student of mine whom they all knew. They cried out “no, tell us now, we don’t want to have to read your blog, we don’t have time.” I know that nothing is ever to be taken personally, but I must admit, my feelings were hurt. They didn’t want to check out my blog? At first my thoughts ran something like this: “cikerifmmfked, what am I doing with this group who couldn’t care less about something I am so enjoying doing and doing partly for them.” Then I remembered. They are my teachers pointing out something I need to look at. And then the “Aha, I’ve felt this feeling before” came. My thoughts turned to gratitude and I saw them through different eyes. Instead of blaming them for the way I felt and nursing my wounds, I came home from class and wrote in my journal about how I would like people to relate to me. I have learned to focus on what I want in situations like these rather than on how hurt I feel. I let go of any negative feelings and opened up to feelings of empowerment. I get to choose what I want in life and affirm it. Having, first become consciously aware of my feelings and then, asked, I now expect to see people showing up in my life more in alignment with what I want rather then what I’ve been condition to expect. It’s all good and just perfect!

What do I do with these thoughts, pretend they don't exist?

Valencia asks: I have been practicing positive thinking and exploring opportunities for change and have been doing better with giving up control and having faith that the universe will provide. However, today I realized that although I am making progress I feel in danger of failing because of the negative thoughts about financial disaster that are beginning to haunt me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Pretend these thoughts don't exist? Put more time into meditation?

Jarl Says: It is great that you are in this place because it is an opportunity for you to explore feelings that have surfaced which are in the way of you having what you desire. These fear feelings have to be acknowledged and seen for what they truly are, the ego trying to keep you identified with it. When you see these feelings for what they are and choose to cultivate thoughts that are in alignment with what you really desire, you come into alignment with your Authentic Self. That Self is always in peace and in joy. Please don't cultivate the worry thoughts, it never ever does any good, it only reinforces your subconscious mind to keep creating situations to bring you more fear.

I came across the Japanese word for fear, "osore", in an article written by Yasuhiko Genku Kimura, the founder of Vision In Action. He says, "Osore signifies the misalignment of the self of the individual with the Self of the universe. "O" denotes the sacred thread that connects one’s soul with the Oversoul of the universe, while "sore" denotes the state of disconnection or dislocation from and misalignment with that sacred thread. Osore therefore signifies the errant mode of being wherein one’s soul has gone astray, having lost the original connection and alignment with the Oversoul of the universe."

That really says it! Just know that when you are feeling fearful, you are out of alignment with the sacred thread that supports your every move whether you are aware of it or not. We (the egoic part of us identified with our conditioning who thinks we are separate from others) are truly not the doers! We are being done through. The ego just loves to narrate everything and say it is doing it. Years ago, I had the opportunity to consciously experiment with what it would be like if I dropped all notions of what I "should" be doing and see what it would be like to actually live as if I were not the doer. I consciously stopped "doing" my life. I mean really from moment to moment just watched what I was "moved" to do, no plans, other than the prior commitments like classes, no strategies, just letting myself be moved by whatever moves me. I started out just sitting until something moved me. Within no time, I had to get up and pee, so I did. Then the phone rang and someone asked me to come over and do something. So I did. Then it was time to go. I got in the car and just watched where I was, in the moment, moved to turn...I can't tell you how busy I became just doing what I was moved to do. That is when my design business started. I had no plan for that or even any idea or notion of it. It just happened and keeps going without my doing anything other than what I'm asked to do or moved to do, in the moment. And life is doing me in the way that is in alignment with my inner nature. I'm doing everything right now that I love to do. Nothing more. My weekly "obligations" are completely in alignment with what I love to do. I say yes to something if it feels right to me, and no to what doesn't feel right. I keep my word easily that way. Because, what I'm doing is what I want to be doing, I feel like a "time millionaire". My work and play are all the same.

The key is: trust in the moment which always has all the information you need, follow your hearts desire, and keep those fear thoughts in check. Tell them, "thanks for sharing, Bubeye!"

The Magic of Intention & Happy Birthday, Beth

A few weeks ago I was talking with my dear friend David at a small breakfast party when he mentioned that his wife, Beth had a birthday coming up and he was looking for gift ideas. I've known David for many years and this gift search is a subject which surfaces regularly as a major concern of his. He has, at least once, put it out to our entire tai chi class to solve.

A few days after our breakfast party, my French friend, Marie-Christine, who does this wonderfully relaxing work called "Qi Facial Rejuvenation" was visiting and we were discussing ideas for changes in her brochure. David and Beth came to mind. I thought, Beth might really enjoy this work. I emailed David with Marie-Christine's phone number and a brief discription of her work.

David then called Marie-Christine and asked for a brochure so he had something to actually give to Beth on her birthday. She told him to get a brochure from me, since she had left her brochures at my house for me to play around with. David then called me asking for a brochure, but I didn't hear the message until the next day, so I didn't return his call. When I finally heard the message, I emailed him that I was not having success with my remake of her brochure and didn't really have anything to give him. David didn't see that message and said he had planned on coming to my tai chi class in the morning to pick up the brochure from me. As circumstances had it around his home that morning, he wasn't able to come to the class and it would have been to no avail as I didn't have a brochure anyway. At this point, (which was yesterday) it's the day before Beth's birthday, he's seen my email, has no brochure, and is really wondering what to do.

At around 4pm I receive a phone call from Marie-Christine telling me she has a story for me but she's driving and will call me later. At 6 pm, I receive a phone call from David. "Hey Jarl," he says, "I have a great story for you!

Here's the story now, having heard it from both of them:

Yesterday morning Marie-Christine has the idea to pick up my favorite bread, walnut/cranberry from Acme bakery, drop it by my house and check on the brochures before she heads back across the bay to Marin. She looks in the phone book and sees there is an Acme bakery closer to my house than the one she usually goes to, so she decides to go to that one. She's driving around looking for this bakery and sees a small group of people standing together on this obscure street where she has never been. She stops her car, gets out and asks if anyone knows where the Acme bakery is. Hearing a French accent, David, who is there working on a project, steps foward and says, "By any chance, is your name Marie-Christine?" "Yes," she answers. "I'm David" he says, "the David who has been trying to get your brochure for my wife's present!" They stand there stunned at the amazing syncronicity. Marie-Christine happens to have one brochure in her car which she then hand delivers to David.

How's that for the magic of intention!
Good job, David!
Happy Birthday, Beth!

What can I do?

Imagine if our leaders based all their decisions on the teachings of Lao-Tsu, Buddha, or the real teachings of Jesus Christ. It seems our world leaders are not aware of the true spiritual principles and universal laws which govern our lives. I know the difference self-inquiry and living in alignment with universal laws and principles has had on the quality of my life. What if our leaders actually led from that wisdom.

Now when I ask myself what I can do, I realize I can work on becoming more consciously aware of my own projections and radiance. I can remember that what I sow, I reap, not only for myself in my own life, but also for the entire world. I can visualize myself in alignment with Truth. I can act from the place of conscious response rather than unconscious reactivity.

I feel an empowering paradigm shift, in my life when I take responsibility for my own thoughts, words and actions. They return to me in like-kind and create my experience in every moment. We can each make a contribution to that paradigm shift and change the world one person at a time by vigilant and conscious awareness of the quality of thoughts we cultivate, the quality of the words we speak, the quality of our intentions and the quality of our actions. As I experience the difference in my life when I live these principles, I know this difference extends out into the world, one moment at a time.

Ego versus True Self

Valencia: I think my ego is telling me that I shouldn't even bother to create anything that isn't original and genius. Why do I have so much invested in being a genius? Why can't I just be who I am and enjoy that? Sometimes I am a genius, sometimes I am a fool. That's the truth of it. My ego seems to be telling me I am never good enough, never good enough, never good enough. That belief drains me and stops me from doing things that will refresh my soul so it's a vicious cycle. I think my ego has had too much power and has been sucking my energy badly for years. It's just a matter of balance I think...I need to find a healthier balance of power with my ego.
Can I stop thinking that I need to do something bigger and more profound? I can hear you say, just let that go?. I would like to. You know, I think my ego has been zapping my energy and making my soul sick!

Jarlsays: As far as your ego goes, there is no healthy balance, YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR EGO AND THAT'S THAT. There can't be balance. That's like saying you need to balance out the power structure between you and your dog. You are the boss! The ego is your servant. Tell it so. The ego wants to control and will go to any lengths to stay in control. It usually resorts to scaring and shaming you. Not because it's bad, that's just it's nature. The ego is right about one thing: when you are identified with it, you are not a genius. YOU have to tell it how to behave. No deals. Just kick it's ass into shape. Tell it "thanks for sharing, now go to sleep while I handle this with the big guns" Then ask your True Self to send you genius ideas and create from that place.

We are all geniuses in truth because we are all connected to Divine Intelligence and that's where genius comes from. The only true genius is Divinely Inspired. I turn everything over to the Big Kahuna before I create anything. I can never create anything cool from my little self. As soon as the ego steps in, I get stupid. When you know you are not the creator, that the creation is just coming through you, it takes all the pressure off and you are just totally grateful and graceful, neither ego tripping nor ego identified. The ego is a very uncreative little twit, although clever. Any great master will say they were just the channel for the work to come through. Keep turning it over to your True Self and watch the difference.

The ego is really a much happier camper when you keep it under control. Just like a kid needs to know the boundaries....so does the ego. That's what the whole "surrender" idea is all about. It's surrendering the ego (small self) to the True Self. The ego thinks it knows everything, but is fearful. That's how you know you are in it's grips. The True Self experience is when you feel joy, gratitude, love and trust. It takes practice to stay in the experience of the True Self. It's a continual surrendering and feels weird at first. But, I swear to you, it is far more fabulous to live a surrendered life than the fearful, small life of the mini me.
Ok girlfriend? Love you, Jarl

Truth = What Is

Whatever is occurring in physical manifestation at any moment is “What is”. The way that we perceive and interpret what is occurring is what creates our experience of life. This unique spin is formulated by our conditioning. Our conditioning comes from the way our parents, teachers, and other authorities reacted to and taught us about life experiences. Their stories came from their parental and authority influences and so on…Many other factors may also contribute to the creation of our conditioning but the important point to realize is that we see through the filter of this conditioning and add our unique combination of interpretations to everything that happens in our lives. No matter how popular or accepted our point of view may be, it is still only our spin. To quote Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

We live in a self-created illusion, a story we tell ourselves and believe with all our hearts. This is what creates our suffering. It also gives us meaning, but we become slaves to this meaning. We hate in the name of our stories. We kill to uphold our stories. Our stories cause sickness and depression. Whichever way we see or spin "what is", whether we designate it good or bad, we are being manipulated and driven by our fears of losing or not getting our “cravings and aversions’, as the Buddha said. The degree to which we are attached to our stories is the extent to which we are not free. Dropping our stories can seem impossible or frightening. What would happen to us if we had no story? Would we still exist?

One way to begin to see through these filters of conditioning is to put our beliefs through an inquiry. A powerful inquiry which Byron Katie teaches in four questions, goes like this: 1) Is it true? 2) Can I absolutely know that it is true? 3) How do I react when I think that thought? 4) Who would I be without the thought? Eckhart Tolle says these questions of Byron Katie’s… “acts like a razor sharp sword that cuts through that illusion and enables you to know for yourself the timeless essence of your being. Joy, peace, and love emanate from it as your natural state.”

Imagine being free from the illusion and being in a state of joy, peace and love. Byron Katie says the only beliefs which we need to inquire about are the ones that cause us suffering. After doing her work for over ten years, I can attest to the fact that there IS something much greater than our stories and our beliefs. Our stories become increasingly boring and limiting as we begin to become free of them. After all, whose story do you want to live, the limited version of your conditioning which came from other’s beliefs around you or the expansive timeless essence of your being in your natural state, in which “joy, peace, and love emanate”? I’ll take the latter!

Thoughts Are Things

Thoughts are things. We create the quality of our lives by the thoughts we entertain, whether consciously or not. We don't create our thoughts, they just arise as possibilities in the cosmos which we then attract by our energetic vibration and cultivate into our life experience. Just like people passing us on the street, some look interesting and some do not. For example, a drug addict may look very interesting to another drug addict who is experiencing similar needs, perhaps a fix. Whereas, a mother with a child may be repelled by this same person. A math professor engrossed in solving a problem may not even notice the drug addict.

We are all in our own, self-created worlds. These worlds may interconnect with one another on many levels, but nevertheless be radically different, experientially. When we become conscious of this, we can begin to create our lives in alignment with our desires and eliminate unpleasant aspects which we are creating from our conditioned minds.

What power and freedom we actually have! Unfortunately, it is common in those of us who experience unpleasant situations to reject the notion that we are the creators of our circumstances. It's understandable that we are reluctant to admit we have done these unpleasant things to ourselves. So we project outward onto someone or something else and say they did it to us. Maybe we say God did it to us. This gives all our power away and leaves us feeling like a victim. Whether it is a physical illness, an emotional struggle, or even a war between countries, we are creating our experience of it. Notice I did not say creating IT. I am saying we are creating our EXPERIENCE of it.

Life happens! It is very important to not get stuck in the guilt trap, which is probably why anyone would reject this idea in the first place. It's how we interpret, spin, and deal with what happens that creates our experience of life. This is quite clear when we see someone who "has it all" and is miserable, or vice versa. I know people who are experiencing life-threatening illnesses who spend little time talking about it, are vibrant and inspired by the challenge of the "project". I know others who verbalize every ache or pain they experience and look beat down and victimized by their own incessant "verbage".

We're all just creating our own experience of what's happening. Those of us who moan and groan do so because we're not conscious of the negative effect it's having on us. When we become conscious and realize, without guilt, just what this behavior is doing to us, we have a choice! And what is really cool, is that we can change our experience and make it one that feels good!

Imagine a world in which every one of us is taking radical responsibility for our own happiness and well-being and turning each experience into a joyful one of love and gratitude. That would surely put an end to war and bring about world peace. Let's do it!